Life in the Slow Lane

It has been almost a year since I suffered from a life-changing brain injury. I still have a long, hard road ahead of me. In an instant, this brain injury threw my life into a tailspin. I spend exacerbating obstacles that befall me. My journey down this unknown road began on August 2011 following cardiac arrest due to heart condition. I suffered physical and mental symptoms: poor self perception, a short term and long term memory loss, slow information processing, confusion, headache, difficulty with self-control, and lack of impulse control. My memories had been erased like chalk on a blackboard of my mind. At least not everything was erased. However, thanks to my treatment, my memories are coming back to me. The fog began to lift. Things are starting to make sense to me. As for other symptoms, I'm actually getting better because of therapy. I was often reminded that I could not put a band-aid on my brain. If it was external, I could. If it was internal, I could not. Once I suffered a brain damage, there was a long road to recovery. It was a slow and difficult rehabilitation process for me, but by the motivation given me by my family and friends, I kept going.

Ever since my brain injury, I was no longer my "old self," meaning I wasn't the same guy people once knew. Basically, my "new self" has replaced my "old self." It seemed to me that the real world had changed because I saw the world through a new self. While people have a hard time accepting the fact that old Nick was dead, they refer to me as new Nick. I don't think myself of a new guy. I do everything humanly possible to be my 'old' self again because I believe old me is still hiding somewhere within me, waiting to reappear. It's a working progress. I can feel parts of my old self coming back, but in a gradual process. I believe old Nick is on an indefinite hiatus.

 

One of the biggest obstacles I face is memory impairment. At first, I couldn't remember anything at all. I had a little bit trouble with long-term memory, but it finally came back. Unfortunately, my short-term memory is "on and off." I forget things a lot. I have to write everything down in order not to forget things. For instance, I write a journal every day, and it's extremely helpful to me. Also, I use a reminder application in my iPhone daily in case I forget to do important stuff such as taking a prescription medicine. I often make a "to do" list for myself, which makes my day less difficult. Though, it is frustrating and makes me look dumb. I know for the fact that there are some things that make my memory problems worse. Whenever the strong emotions such as anger or anxiety get the best of me, I forget some things. The same goes for lack of sleep. I have often been told to go to sleep or not to stay up late. I personally hate sleeping, hence why I like to wake up early on weekends. I have to get up early for work, too. I can't say that there is an easy way to stop memory impairment. This is something I have to live with for rest of my life.

I had a much too close brush with death that day. It was an eye opener. I really thought it was my time to go. Though, I faced near death experience twice. My best friend, Stu, was killed by a drunk driver last year. He was only 28 years old. Life is very, very short. I have to make the most of it and live every day like it is my last. I have to keep moving forward without looking back. I gotta take chances and live life on the edge. There is so much I want to do and so many places I want to go. No wonder, I'm always impatient, but I'm often reminded that waiting builds character. I knew I made stupid mistakes in the past, and there was nothing I could change the past. Right now, I have a chance to strive to make up for my mistakes. I lost a great girl whom I still love a lot, but I hope she'll take me back. I used to wonder why I was still here. In closing, I am lucky to still be here and to have people that care a lot about me.

This video plays the song, "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.

My Dad, My Superhero

A true hero doesn’t need super powers to save lives. My dad is my hero. He is Batman, John McClane, Tim Taylor, and Aristotle, all rolled into one. He is a lot of things though. I’ve shared the same qualities and characteristics with him. People always tell me that I look a lot like my dad – tall, light brown hair, blue eyes, and handsome. He knows me better than anyone else does, like he can read my mind. Simply, he’s a huge influence in my life.

When I was a kid, I always watched Batman. He was my all-time favorite action figure, and he still is. He also reminds me of my dad because they both are fearless, robust, intelligent, and protective. And they don't have super powers. It’s cool to have a Batman in my life. Every time I watch the movie called Die Hard, I think of my dad because of the iconic action hero, John McClane. Why? They share some similar traits – stubborn as hell, can turn on the charm, hate technology, and sarcastic. No wonder, my dad loves this movie. Also, my family and I always watch the show called Home Improvement. My dad is a lot like Tim Taylor when it comes to being a handyman, sports fanatic, and great father figure, doing things the man’s way, and a great sense of humor. Unlike Tim Taylor, my dad understands philosophy very well. He is like Aristotle because he always delivers philosophical musings and great advice about anything.

My dad is a kind of guy who would gregariously engage in conversation with strangers. He's honest, blunt, straightforward, and direct. Basically, he's not afraid to speak his mind. That's why he is always the first person I go up to when I need him. When brain injury threw my life into a tailspin, he was there every step of the way. He and my family motivated me to continue on. They didn't give up on me when my memories (at least not all) had been erased like chalk on blackboard of my mind.

"Life is short, Nick," my dad would always say to me. Every time he says it, it helps me remember how short life really is and that I should simply enjoy it. One life, one chance. He always gives me a lot of great advice. He offers words of wit and wisdom. Just about anything - life, relationship, parenting, job, etc. I learn something new from him every day of my life.

The Wit and Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England! - Homer J. Simpson

As a die-hard fan of the Simpsons, I always enjoy the great sayings from Homer. I usually overlook entertaining insights he instructs because it teaches me a lot about life. I do have a lot of my favorite Homer quotes, but I'm not going to list them all.

                                                                   Life

1. "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

2. "If something's hard to do, it's not worth doing."

3. "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!"

4. "Being popular is the most important thing in the world."

5. "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

                                                                Parenting

1. "Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids."

2. “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”

3. “Kids are great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the internet and all.”

4.  “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.”
 

5.  “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

                                                                 Alcohol

1. "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

2. "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs."

3. “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”

4. “Homer no function beer well without.”

5. “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!”

                                                                 Love and Women

1.  "Love isn't hopeless. Look, maybe I'm no expert on the subject, but there was one time I got it right."

2. "You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons."

3. Homer: "See, even when you yell at me I can see love in YOUR eyes."

    Marge: "Stick to the subject."

    Homer: "Haha, you love me!"

4. "From now on I'll never leave the room without saying how much I love you and...this takes a long time. Maybe a pat on your but will do...[pat] that's it."

5. "I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"

6. "A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one."

First Blog

I'm not sure where to start. I mean, this is my first time writing a blog post. Honestly, I'm not used to blogging, but my friend recommended me to do this. I write a daily journal in order to improve my memory. I have an impaired short-term memory loss due to brain injury I suffered several months ago. Well, if I don't want to forget things, journal is the only way. I'm going to give blogging a swirl and see if it's better than writing by hand.

- Nick