It has been almost a year since I suffered from a life-changing brain injury. I still have a long, hard road ahead of me.
In an instant, this brain injury threw my life into a tailspin. I spend
exacerbating obstacles that befall me. My journey down this unknown road began on August 2011 following cardiac arrest due to heart condition. I suffered physical and mental symptoms: poor self perception, a short term and long term memory loss, slow information processing, confusion, headache, difficulty with self-control, and lack of impulse control. My
memories had been erased like chalk on a blackboard of my mind. At least not
everything was erased. However, thanks to my treatment, my memories are coming
back to me. The fog began to lift. Things are starting to make sense to me. As for other symptoms, I'm actually getting better because of therapy. I
was often reminded that I could not put a band-aid on my brain. If it
was external, I could. If it was internal, I could not. Once I suffered a brain damage, there was a long
road to recovery. It was a slow and difficult rehabilitation process for me, but by the motivation given me by my
family and friends, I kept going.
Ever since my brain injury, I was no longer my "old self," meaning I wasn't the same guy people once knew. Basically, my "new self" has replaced my "old self." It
seemed to me that the real world had changed because I saw the world through a new self. While people have a hard time accepting the fact that old Nick was dead, they refer to me as new Nick. I don't think myself of a new guy. I do everything humanly possible to be my 'old' self again because I believe old me is still hiding somewhere within me, waiting to reappear. It's a working progress. I can feel parts of my old self coming back, but in a gradual process. I believe old Nick is on an indefinite hiatus.
One of the biggest obstacles I face is memory impairment. At first, I couldn't remember anything at all. I had a little bit trouble with long-term memory, but it finally came back. Unfortunately, my short-term memory is "on and off." I forget things a lot. I have to write everything down in order not to forget things. For instance, I write a journal every day, and it's extremely helpful to me. Also, I use a reminder application in my iPhone daily in case I forget to do important stuff such as taking a prescription medicine. I often make a "to do" list for myself, which makes my day less difficult. Though, it is frustrating and makes me look dumb. I know for the fact that there are some things that make my memory problems worse. Whenever the strong emotions such as anger or anxiety get the best of me, I forget some things. The same goes for lack of sleep. I have often been told to go to sleep or not to stay up late. I personally hate sleeping, hence why I like to wake up early on weekends. I have to get up early for work, too. I can't say that there is an easy way to stop memory impairment. This is something I have to live with for rest of my life.
I had a much too close brush with death that day. It was an eye opener. I really thought it was my time to go. Though, I faced near death experience twice. My best friend, Stu, was killed by a drunk driver last year. He was only 28 years old. Life is very, very short. I have to make the most of it and live every day like it is my last. I have to keep moving forward without looking back. I gotta take chances and live life on the edge. There is so much I want to do and so many places I want to go. No wonder, I'm always impatient, but I'm often reminded that waiting builds character. I knew I made stupid mistakes in the past, and there was nothing I could change the past. Right now, I have a chance to strive to make up for my mistakes. I lost a great girl whom I still love a lot, but I hope she'll take me back. I used to wonder why I was still here. In closing, I am lucky to still be here and to have people that care a lot about me.
This video plays the song, "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.
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